People of a certain age can ironically recall our parents admonishing us to “Be thankful for what you have.” It was usually in response to our protestations about not getting something we wanted, and probably didn’t need. Clearly, it’s a subjective exercise; outside of the basic necessities to carry us through the day, there aren’t a lot of items we truly need. It’s frequently referred to as “first-world problems” these days for anything beyond keeping the refrigerator stocked and the lights on.
At this point in our lives, we do not need reminders that there are those people for whom three squares and a warm bed under a viable roof is a challenge. The primary question is, do we need to feel guilty about having experienced feelings of “lesser” loss during the pandemic?
More than 250,000 people have suffered the ultimate loss in this country due to COVID-19. We mourn for them and think of those who are still battling the disease in many forms, not the least of which is the loss of employment. For anyone who has been down that road, it’s a dark place riddled with fear and doubt. In ordinary times, losing one’s gainful employment can be more easily rectified. My heart goes out to anyone who is in the market for a new job during this period.
Still, it is important to accept and not have feelings of guilt about lesser losses. This isn’t a contest about who has had it worse during COVID-19. You’d be hard pressed to find anyone who hasn’t been impacted anywhere in this world, in some shape or form, by the pandemic. Your world and mine has been turned upside down, in ways that are readily apparent, and some that are more subtle. But we have all lost something during this strange and frustrating year.
I often think about the impact COVID-19 has visited on my family. My wife and I have three children who are healthy, happy and living their lives best as possible. This was to be a watershed year—three graduations (college, high school, eighth grade), with a massive party to celebrate their accomplishments, surrounded by friends and family, followed by a nice vacation. Fortunately, the eldest was able to salvage his college graduation in a more subdued, socially-distanced event. My youngest, at 15, is in that “so what?” phase and doesn’t seem particularly bothered, bless his heart.
My daughter lost the final three months of her senior year—a Disney trip, prom, graduation, and the chance to experience the remaining school days with the other students she’d grown up alongside. It was her last year of high school softball, which offered the chance to break the program’s home run record and perhaps win a title. In the scheme of things, this hardly ranks with spending weeks on a respirator, right? But it’s akin to having a memorable period in your life completely erased by an invisible menace. Moments in time never realized. But my children have trooped on, and seem a bit impervious to the big picture. But I feel their loss, and in time, perhaps they will, too.
This is my Thanksgiving Day wish for you. Before you take a moment to think about all of the wonderful things you have to be thankful for—namely health, happiness, a fat turkey on the table and a wholly unremarkable football game on the telly—please reflect on the loss others have experienced. But DO NOT forget to acknowledge your own losses.
Whether it’s the inability to go on a vacation of a lifetime, financial setbacks or even the most mundane of experiences enjoyed in the company of family or friends…they all matter. They’re a part of your experiences in this wonderful, sometimes insipid and frequently inane thing we call life. For all of the things that add value to your day that were stripped away since March, you owe it to yourself to mourn them in a quiet, reflective manner, free of guilt. Yes, others have been hit much, much harder. But you did not escape this thing unscathed, and you need to reconcile this fact without berating yourself for thinking of you. Only then can you turn to being truly thankful for life’s many blessings.
We can think of others without it being at the expense of thinking about ourselves.
From our family to yours, Happy Thanksgiving!
