Meeting amazing people is just one of the reasons I stole the line from Gene Simmons, “It’s good to be me.” It is good to be me. Smart people, adventurous people, passionate people, successful people (as they define success), creative people, people with purpose, people outside the mainstream, people in about every walk of life imaginable. A day rarely goes by that I don’t have the opportunity to meet someone new and fascinating. For the record, everybody is fascinating. Everybody has a story to tell. If you are ge
nuinely interested and willing to listen, you are given an incredible opportunity to hear the stories of others; to gain new knowledge and maybe even pass along some of their wisdom.
Recently, over a cup of coffee, I met Joyce Layman who has to be one of the greatest connectors of people and ideas on the planet. After just a few minutes with her you would think she wrote the book on connecting. Actually, she did, and it’s titled, “Your Connecting Advantage.” A few days later, with a three hour flight ahead of me, I found myself reading a few more chapters in her book and coming back to the same sentence over and over. Addressing the issue of why people don’t always respond to requests, she wisely suggests, “Don’t overthink it or craft your own story why this person hasn’t responded to you.” By the way, the first 5 people to contact me at Broderick@inkcycle.com and ask for a copy of Joyce’s book will get one sent to them from me, and better yet, for free. The rest of you have to buy your own. If you don’t get a response from your request to me for a free book, you won’t have to wonder why. You will simply know that there were others who went before you. All fact, no conjecture. “Don’t overthink or craft your own story.” Don’t fill in the blanks of an unknown story.
In the world of business development we are often, consciously or subconsciously, tempted to fill in the reasons why someone will or won’t do what we want them to do; all without any basis of fact. The someone can be external (such as a prospect) or it can be internal (us).
I’ve tried this before and it never works because…
Nobody gets anywhere cold calling anymore because…
I can’t because….
They won’t because…
They didn’t because…
In other words, we predict the outcome which then creates the reality.
Don’t fill in the blanks of an unknown story. I had been looking for a way to describe one of the biggest limiters I see in sales today, the concept of over-thinking/speculating/conjecturing to the point of making up a dialogue in the mind that, replayed enough times, becomes a false belief. The false belief is then reinforced and eventually becomes accepted as truth.
Let’s look at two common versions of “filling in the blanks and writing our own false story.” One is based on false hope, the other in false fear.
1. False Hope: “Boss, I just had a great meeting with the prospect!” “What made it great?” “We just really hit it off.” Three months later the prospect can’t be found. Why? The rep had no foundation; no real reason to believe it was a great meeting other than not getting the boot or an emphatic, “no.” The rep ended up writing the fictional story in his mind of an event that simply never really took place. Now don’t get me wrong. The rep wasn’t lying. He believed what he said. And as he heard himself say it again and again, he accepted it as truth. He wrote his own fictional story and filled in his own blanks. This kind of hope is not optimism; it is delusion. It’s perfectly acceptable and appropriate to be hopeful, to be optimistic, and to see the sunny side of things. It is NOT acceptable to delude yourself into believing that you had a great meeting when in fact, it was merely friendly and cordial and concluded with no basis for further actions. Here is a glimpse of an internal discussion between our thoughts and our brain.
Thought: “How did that meeting go?”
Brain: “Great! I didn’t have to worry about a thing.”
Thought: “I thought so too.
Great meeting!”
Self (Better Question): “Did I meet the planned objective for that meeting?”
Brain: “No.”
Thought: “That was not a good meeting.”
2. False Fear: “We can’t do XYZ. I know what they really need, what they really think, how they really will act… Networking doesn’t work… Cold calling never works.” Sales managers have heard them all! They label these as excuses while the rep calls them reasons. I have personally witnessed reps become so locked up by writing the wrong head script that they would dial the weather number just so they didn’t have to reach out to a prospect! Yes, there used to be telephone numbers you could call for the weather report. Al Gore came along and changed everything. Everything except the brain equating rejection or embarrassment with something worse than death.
The brain, with its 100 billion nerve cells is the greatest connector ever! Connecting bodily movement. Connecting thoughts. Connecting the wiring throughout the body. Connecting ideas. The brain’s ability to process information is staggering. Ask the brain a question and it WILL provide an answer. But, just like any computer program, garbage in, garbage out. Ask the wrong question, you still get an answer, not the right one, not a helpful one, but the brain doesn’t care. The brain will not rest until an answer is found, until the blanks are filled in. The answer it comes up with is based on the question it is being asked. It will connect the dots…it will fill in the blanks. And often times, it will help craft a story to keep you safe, to keep you from failing, to keep you from trying.
Thought: “Oh big and wonderful brain, I just stated that, ‘I can’t cold call.’ Why did I think that?”
Brain: “Because it hasn’t worked for you in a while.”
Thought: “Oh yeah. Cold calling doesn’t work.”
Self (Better question): “Brain, how can I increase the number of conversations I have with people who I haven’t met before?”
Brain: “Let’s see, we can…”
I don’t mean to turn this into a debate about the merits of cold calling so don’t get hung up on any specific topic. As a side note, if you believe that cold calling never works, try thinking of it in terms of “reaching out to someone new to have a conversation.” Better yet, take a look at some of your strong beliefs and determine whether they are beliefs or facts.
Thought: “Brain, why is it good to be me? Please provide additional evidence.” Note: I asked the brain for something specific, not merely an opinion.
Brain: “Because of the people you meet. As an example, at the Executive Connection Summit, hosted by MWAi and always filled with incredibly interesting people, you had the opportunity to hear two Navy Seals talk about winning and leading. Jocko Willink and Leif Babin shared, among other things, their Four Laws of Combat. Powerful and thought provoking, real life, actionable lessons entirely applicable to business. Lessons that you can use and share with others!”
Thought: “Exactly, it really is good to be me! And as much as I would enjoy sharing details of their talk, I am not giving away any of their material, those guys are Seals! If anybody wants that information, they can be contacted at info@echelonfront.com or go buy their book, “Extreme Ownership.”
Here’s your assignment: Decide to stop filling in the blanks with either false hope or false fear. Start asking your brain the right questions and listen for the answers. And if people aren’t responding the way you want them to, don’t speculate why…ask them. Like your brain, they will give you answers. If you don’t know how to ask, check out John Baker’s book, “The Asking Formula.” Yes, I’ve heard John speak a couple of times…just one more reason it is good to be me.
PS: I am in no way affiliated with any of the people I mention. They just do cool stuff.
